I am back ...

Oh ,I am back ….
It seems like I was in another world .
Anyway two days ago I saw a report in TV about animals police inUSA That was amazing , how wonderful ,how affectionate those policemen are. I remembered those policemen in the villages we visited with the ambulatory clinic , we need so many of them in Iraqi villages ,my heart was broken , the animals are uncared for , you can't imagine how bad the situations are. But maybe you will , if I described the people life there . What I saw was beyond description , children surviving among ,poverty , illness , & asperity of the life & of the desperate parents. The kids should endure the cold weather with barefoot ,& light clothes . They should endure pain & illness , because the parents can't afford for the treatment ,whereas the governmental hospitals are more poor than those patients. I saw miserable cases , so many orphans, many heartbreaking stories , so many handicapped people ,blind ,deaf kids ,one of the reasons behind that is the irradiants materials were buried in these areas by the X regimen . And those people were used to dig , without warning them about the hazard of handling these materials . Then after the collapse of the x-regimen, these people stole the equipments ,& machines from the Factory that deal with radioactive materials. We also knew that those areas don't receive drinking water from the nearby water project ,they have to buy it with the same water tank cars that were used by the government to transfer hazardous radioactive materials (uranium), & those cars are still used to bring drinking water to the villages..
I told you it is beyond description ..........
The only good benefit of this program is to vaccinate the pupils in schools , whom they are only small ratio of the children in the villages ….
I will go to my parents house in Baghdad to spend "Eed" there hope to heal my wounds………
Wish me safe trip my dears….
Mama………

Ambulatory clinic

In the last two days , I saw in my way to work, mines left in the middle of the road . American experts were trying to lift them . I feel miserable before going to work , and keep worry all daylong during the work about the road safety in my way back home .
Tomorrow I will start the annual program ,in which the doctors and dentists should visit the schools in the remote villages , to check the pupils for vaccinations, medical & dental health ( ambulatory clinic).The authorities don’t accept any excuse in such programs ,like dangerousness, lack of gasoline , the imbursing of the program .Moreover this program is mostly formalistic ,as most of the dental fillings & preventive materials are unavailable.
It 's really hard to conserve my job ,and not easy to abdicate it.
(I will write, in-shalla, about this program in the coming days , keep praying for me ,please, till then)….
Mama………..

childhood dificulties ...can be hurdled

I talked ,& sunshine too about internet in her life ,but I wanted to give you an Idea about her day if we don't have internet , she completes her home work & then will watch TV all day long ,listing to NEWS ,because that what all grown-ups do here ,or probably listen to those grown-ups' stories about the tragic accidents they heard or saw .Of course those stories will be with so many horrible details ,with describing the pain and shock of the bereft family . Those grown-ups don't care if a child is listening ,they don't pay any attention to what these stories & news could more worsen the kids psychological conditions, they are already afraid & heard enough terrifying explosions, shots, stories about murders ,kidnappings ,threatening ,they can see the fear in our eyes , that is more than enough to ruin their childhood & psychological condition.
I try to protect my children from listening to such stories , but they also catch some from school mates or teachers , or relatives .
Now we are all stuck at home ,but the internet allowed Sunshine to meet my relatives who live in Canada,USA,Libya ,Jordan, Dubai , UK , Egypt….
As well as to talk to friends in different parts of the world while she is stuck just like the others but at least she made relationships & not been isolated from the world. Many people wondered how she could keep this spirit ,& remain optimism , that is all because of you support ,through your E-mails , your comments & your talk with her. Thank you for your precious time. You can't imagine how these COMMENTS please her , it is your gree that she don't feel lonely although she is alone.
But what worries me is that she is either sitting behind her desk to study ( at both school& at home ), or sitting in front of her computer , & she can't move more than walking in side the apartment .The kids here don't run , don't play , don’t share in any type of games or sport match,& in our schools they canceled the sport classes(not officially , but don't heed the importance of sport ) which is now of a very important benefits than any other time because those kids are imprisoned at their homes and schools & some of them have their own pain due to losing some of their dears or could have personal or familial problems ,who doesn't have , in such tense situations where every one is so nervous.
Mama…..

To be honest..

I believe that every one who kill innocent people :in their way ,in their houses ,their cars, schools, weddings, relatives' funerals, during shopping , in the mosque, in the church ,etc ( that 's how Iraqis get killed every day) are terrorists.
The bullet could come from the American troops during their fights against those who attacked them, or from the attackers , Or death could happen due to explosion, from a car bomb or mine left in the middle of the roads that are usually used by EVERYONE .
To those who are fighting in the middle of the crowds , you are not warranted to spoil our life safety. YOU ARE ALL TERRORISTS. Who ever you are , what ever you nationality is , what ever your religion is( I don’t thing that those who kill are religious because in every celestial religion killing is not forgivable & not allowed), & What ever your aim is The excuse of ending the occupation is a big lie , although some of you do believe in it , but you are killing your own people , children, women , youths , ALL are innocent .Can't you think for a while about the losses of your country because of you (If you do , you will stop considering your selves as faithful to your country).. . Although I don’t think you truly believe in that .
In the other hand I still don’t rely the troops blindly ,they could shoot randomly as a reaction of an attack they can face at any where and every time , or because of their anger , or hate because of loosing their dear friends .But believe me I relied them three years ago…..
Mama…..

My life joy...

My daughter (Sunshine) ,in my graduation ceremonies... Mama..

I made up my mind ...

I hurdled my fears & maze & went to VOTE . we were only few people because It was only 8 in the morning , but I saw many people standing out side their houses espying .
Then at the midday the number of voters very much increased .
Any way I had a different opinion among my family members ( my husband& parents in law).
In our the neighborhood there were four centers for referendum , thanks to Allah everything went fine .
My conclusion is this, people voted YES to prostrate terrorism , and to get rid of the disarray life we live right now & not YES for the constitution it self.
And those who said NO said it to reject the idea of obeying orders from those who institute that everyone should say YES for a constitution, which very few had the chance to have a look at in the last few hours before referendum .
Stay safe ….
Mama …

Tomorrow is a big day....

Tomorrow is suppose to be the big day (referendum day)…
I can't made up my mind about………….. what shall I do?
What shall I choose ?...am I be safe?
If I go( from the point of view that I should have a role in my country's arising) ,but I don't have the last transcription of the rectified constitution ,I refuse the idea of following a party ,or any other political group ,& they read the constitution for me & decide what I should choose… I can't trust any political direction ,& indeed I don't trust politicians…..
If I go & threat my life for sharing & deciding my children's future & to determine their life figure , Will that referendum be authentic? shall I be back safe to my children ?...............
If I will have a chance to read the rectified constitution & said YES, for something I am not even satisfied with , I will regret that for the rest of my life ( hope to have long one ),If I choose NO ,we will be back to the disarray again.
Believe me I asked everyone I know about their opinion , they did not made up their mind too ,we are all confused ..
The media here concentrate about the decision , & how we should all say YES ! but they don't mention YES for what ?! They don't discuss the constitution items & it's returns ….
How wearied ?! A very Important decision for our country ,in a very important stage , & the media here don't make any effort to explain the constitution ………..
Mama ….

For Iraqis only

We should free our selves from us ,to live in peace ,& to rebuilt our country. Many of our functionaries don’t do their jobs in dedication, as teachers, doctors , industrial workers ,engineers etc. Every citizen should be loyal & honest .
Every one of us experienced a bad behavior of some functionaries, when we need some papers to be done ,for example ,or when we have a patient in hospital, or when we have children in schools, or as a student in the university. WHY?
During the last regime, the excuse was low salary , now uncomfortable life , then what?!!!!
The worse model of dedication was when the contractors cheated in reconstructing buildings supposed to be for us….
As a Muslim ,you can never be considered as Muslim ,unless Muslims will be out of harm's way of your hand, or tongue( That how we learned from our prophet Mohammad).Or even for the non Muslims citizens , as an Iraqi we should have a new start to be a faithful citizen to own this country . We learned to be strangers in our country (as it was the X-regime's yes- men country), but now we should exploit this chance to own our country .
We so much need to woke up , free our selves & to depurate our behavior from the sediments of the last episode , when we learned to be uncared for…
That’s what I wanted to say ,for all of us, including my self…..
( hey .. Why did you read this post .. wasn't mentioned that it is only for Iraqis ?! never mind I was just kidding )…
Mama…

What a day.....

Today was another bad day in my daughters life , Sunshine talked about her day briefly in her post .
Mariam who is only 7 years old had her own bad experience too . The schools here in Mosul compels the pupils to come to school by the exams. After two hours in school the teachers realized that things are getting worse , they released the pupils to go back home without waiting for their buses , their parents & their hired cars. Even without calling their families ( so irresponsible).
A 12 years old pupil from the same school ,came to our house to tell us that our daughter is crying alone in the street .
My husband immediately went to bring her back home , she kept crying ,she was so scared …
I was tense all the day yesterday waiting for sunshine ,I heard many explosions during the day , I couldn’t reach her by phone, the phone lines in our neighborhood is disconnected , her mobile phone show out of the coverage area . I was relieved when she came although she was so angry & scared .
Then what happened to Mariam upset me so much .
After that tough day I had bad headache (Migraine) ,I had to stay in bed for the rest of the day….
I am so angry , the teachers do not have mercy , they are so selfish& irresponsible ………..
Mama ….

good night ...........

What a night this night was?! In fact we can hardly sleep these days. I can't say or remember when was the last time I slept in a peaceful quiet night .Every night after the errantry ban the main road behind our house become so noisy because of the American troops that don’t stop . locomotion all night long . you may not imagine how much noise do these vehicles make. Not just the vehicles noises , but also the low flying helicopters .
Do you think that's all? Come on , nothing like sudden loud explosions of the shells , that the terrorists shell them toward the nearby police station . that make us run out of our beds & rooms , some times we miss where the door is because of being sleepy scared & in a hurry .
Last week sudden very loud thunder awaked us after midnight , the girls ran to my bed room , sunshine said mama this explosion is so close to our house my room was lightened , then she heard the rain.
Some times the police suspect something in the middle of the darkness they start shooting in the air ,at the first couple shots we remain in our beds ,waiting with suspense , then if that turned to a real battle we start running to the corridor where there is no windows.
And if we had sort of quiet night my day events may keep me awake , like what happened to me today , the doctors & I were stuck inside the gasoline station when heavy shooting started inside the station , I was scared to death , I thought I will die either by a bullet, or fire ,or from scare. I arrived home shaking ,I think that won't let me sleep without horrible nightmare .
Good night ………..
Mama………..

Interview between an Iraqi & American bloggers...

Dear friends
Few weeks ago Jennifer (American Blogger) made an interview with me in her blog I thought it would be ok If I share it with you :

Name: Mama
Age:34
Location: Mosul / Iraq

Thepatriot15: First of all I have to ask how you found out about blogging, and why you started your own blog ?
Mama: my sister Rose Baghdad had one as well as her husband. I liked the idea; first I encouraged my daughter Sunshine to have one, then I thought it is a good way to express my feelings & to make friendships. I felt depressed & lonely & I wanted to have friends to share my feelings & to get support from..
Thepatriot15: Do you see or communicate with U.S. soldiers very often?
Mama: No
Thepatriot15: How do you feel towards America ?
Mama: I like the American people, I have many dear American friends , but I feel suspicious about the intentions of the American government.
Thepatriot15: How do you get news about America ?
Mama: I like to hear good news about every country & it's people. I believe that the Americans & the soldiers want to fight the terrorists, but I also believe that they were exploited because of that by the government.
Thepatriot15: When U.S. troops moved into Iraq after the attacks on the U.S. on 9/11, what was your first reaction and how did you feel?
Mama: My first reaction was a mixture of new hope for having a good future with so much fear from the war itself. I was worried to death about my family in Baghdad, especially during the war I couldn’t know anything about them for very long time. But in fact we believed we would have a better life, if we survived.
Thepatriot15: What do you feel is the biggest change made in Iraq since the U.S. moved in and eliminated leaders such as Saddam Hussein?
Mama: let me tell you something; we are so happy to get rid of Saddam but we did not enjoy that, because of the fear we live in now. We almost live in the middle of streets war. The way to the life of freedom & democracy is so very rugged.
Thepatriot15: Do you appreciate these changes?
Mama : Those how paid their lives as a price to help the Iraqis to get rid of the dictator get lots of appreciation not just from me, but from all who wanted to have freedom. But about the changes, we didn’t get its outgrowth yet. We live in chaos, we feel insecure. We suffer from lack of electricity, we are so much in need of a healthy environment, good medical health and a good education for our children.
Thepatriot15: What was it like before U.S. troops moved in ?
Mama: We lived in our country like strangers. Iraq was the home land of Saddam & to his yes-men. We didn’t have any rights here & not yet.
Thepatriot15: How has your vision for your family’s future changed since the start of Operation Iraqi Freedom?
Mama: First I was sooo optimistic, but now I am so much confused, scared & unsettled.
Thepatriot15: Would you feel safer if U.S. troops left now, or waited until the Iraqi forces are stronger?
Mama: If the American troops left now, that will be execution to the Iraqis.
Thepatriot15: If you have read Iraq’s new constitution, how do you feel about it?
Mama: it’s a bunkum, not a constitution. That will lead us to more havoc.
Thepatriot15: How do you feel about America?
Mama: I like the American people; many of them sympathize with the Iraqis. It's just about the government I don't trust their intentions, like conveying their enemy to my country after the 9/11, with the name of freeing us.
Thepatriot15: How do you feel that your role as a woman has changed since Operation Iraqi Freedom started?
Mama: Nothing has changed yet. But from the beginning I wasn't shackled because of being a women.
Thepatriot15: Do you feel more confident?
Mama: I was more confident three years ago. I mean immediately after the operation. Now I am scared and insecure.
Thepatriot15: What dreams do you have for your children’s future?
Mama: They are so many; I want them to have a secure country that gives them their rights and offers them protection. I want them to get a good education; to be able to make future plans and to be able to accomplish their dreams. I want them to have fun and enjoy their life. I want them to have a respectful life. I don’t want to see them scared any more. I want them to get good medical care when they need it, and I want them to live in healthy environment. I have many, many dreams, and I hope they become true.
Those are my opinions ,and believes……….
Mama……….

More losses .....more pain

Hello friends........
I usually feel relieved on weekends , because my kids are at home & I don't have to worry about their safety .
But this weekend was different. My husband's friend" N" was murdered on Wednesday , he is a police officer. He was murdered by some terrorists while he was leaving the house ,going to his work. Then two functionaries he knows were murdered on Thursday. My husband feel so sad , angry & sorry.
N was a dear friend of my husband since childhood ,they both lived in the same neighborhood. He has two years old kid& two months old twin. His wife is in her twenties.
This is the third dear friend we lose ,the first one was also murdered by the terrorists ( you can read about that in my previous post what was his guilt ?) . The other one passed over a bomb with his car in the middle of the road near to his house ,he was an electrical engineer .He was so nice , gentle, polite & intelligent .He was in my age ,a father of two children.
May Allah bless their souls……….
Mama………

Although..........

Although we live in a floating country on a sea of oil ,We live in a scrimping & lack of fuel. -
-Although Iraq has large areas of agrarian lands , and we have two great rivers but those lands are barren & forgotten. And Iraq import bounties , wheat , rice& the alimentary needs.
-Although we have dreams & ambitions , we are dormant & not racing the time.
-Although we have good water sources most of the Iraqis are thirsty .
-Although we have good water sources ,we are in rich country ,with huge amount of oil We almost live without electricity in the 21 century .
-Although I am in my thirties I feel like I am in my nineties.
-Although our country is supposed to be rich , you can't count the poor ignored people& orphans.
-Although our country need to develop & to be rebuild again , most of Iraqis are jobless.
-Although we, the Iraqis are so much in need to be gathered , we are so much apart now days.
- Although my writings give the expression of a desperate writer behind these writings , but believe or not I am humorist person among my family & friends .
-Although I tried to be optimist during fear & anxiety, but I admit that I opined that death could be more relieving.
-Although you are wondering how can you help desperate Mama , you already did by reading my post .
Thank you ……..
Mama…….