miserable and lost mama

NO, NO WAY., I can't believe things are going to be better for Iraqis. After seeing what is happing to Palestinians in Gaza and to Iraqis, and the whole world is watching with silence and cold blood, that killed hope and brought all memories back to my mind. Since I was 9 years old I witnessed the Iraq -Iran war, I remember the virulent inroads, the alerting alarms. I remember how my mom was worried all the time about my uncle (her youngest brother), he was like many many young Iraqis in the middle of the war zone. I remember some people that had died or had been captives for years, so many victims that had neither choice nor chance to refuse their predestinations. Then Sadam put us in the worst situation when he attacked Kuwait, after that the sanction came to torture my people, life became tough, many families even the educated ones had to live under the border line of poverty. The functionary's salary became one dollar per month. This situation continued till 2003, the Iraqis were exhausted when the Americans occupied their country, that's why some of them including me whished that this OCCUPATION could bring in somehow hope (I feel shame to admit that) .but that was wrong. And the killing and the iniquity became crueler, unbelievable and beastly. Our children saw very horrifying circumstances, heard the worst stories of murders and horror. I know my biggest responsibility toward my kids is to offer them protection and security, and assure them the best future, after all what I am doing and suffering for them I feel very miserable and lost, I don't know what to do! Leaving Iraq is very horrifying. How? Where to? What shall I work? How can I live among strangers?, Without family? , Friends? NO, I CAN'T. But what about my kids' future?!!!!I wonder what they would choose.
Mama

Without windows

After fixing our house following the last explosion, the situation became much worse in our neighborhood, we were hesitant about leaving the house for the children's safety but

the house could become a cache for the terrorists. Besides we don't know where to go and for how long!!, we have several important possessions, we should take with us; therefore it wasn't easy to decide. We discussed the situation with some neighbors, none of them decided to leave.

Now whenever we hear a gun shot we expect an explosion and house destruction, the shooting is very often, and therefore we feel tension all the time, the first few days we couldn't sleep even my 4 years old boy. He holds his torch during the night instead of holding his bear and other moppets, sometimes he screams, cry and ask if the windows would blow out. We leave our bedroom's door open, it's next to his room but he still cant's feel secured while he hears shooting all the time.

All mothers in every place and time worried about their children, whether they are hungry or not!, feeling cold or not!, sick!, worry about their future , and if there is some one could harm them. But to feel scared for their safety is the most difficult feeling. We demanded the authorities to secure our neighborhood but no one listened, I sent emails to any one can help, military forces, the governorate, the hot line, but we are still in the same situation .my husband and father in law wanted to do something to protect us from the broken windows, sure I now feel less scared from passing in front the windows, but it will drive us crazy, have a look by yourself.


Mama