talk about my life as a young mother hoping to do the best for her children in spite of the life difficulies.As a Dentist I want to share you my occupational ticklers...

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Location: mosul, Iraq

I am a 37 years old mom ,I am a mother of 3 children. I am a Dentist. I try to make every thing perfect. The life I have, the difficulties I face make me anxious.. I like to have a social life; I cannot resist my feeling of being lonely, but I don’t have good social life, & I am lonely.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Salih the brave boy ...

Last day I arrived my work an hour and a half late because of the very crowded road near the gate's check point …
An old woman and 10 years old boy with school bag on his back were waiting for me.
I treated the old lady first, and then asked the boy to get in. He was pale & shaking. He sat on the dental chair and pointed inside his mouth, and said "this is very painful".
I looked and saw nothing, I knew he was confused and pointed to the wrong side; I looked to the opposite side and saw a badly carious tooth.
I told him that we need to extract this tooth, he shake his head for approval.
"But we need to have the approval from some one older than you my dear" I said. "Any one from your family as your parents, older brother or sister, aunt, uncle, or even a neighbor ".I added.

He stepped from the chair in an attempt to leave, with his eyes full of tears, and said nothing.
-"Are you coming back with someone later? I asked.
-"no, I have no one".
-"With whom do you live?".
-"With my younger brother, he is Mongolian".
-I grip his shaky hands and took him to the patio, and asked him to look around, to the other functionaries; (they live in the same village), and asked him if he knew any one?.
Few minutes later he pointed to a man, he was one of the servants" H".
I sent for" H", and told him that I need some one of Salih' relatives because his tooth need to be extracted. He said "I am his fathers' cousin, I can stay with him because he has no One close…his older brother who was taking care of him was murdered 3 days ago"…
- He was a policeman…
-"Are you hungry, did you have your breakfast honey?" I asked Salih trying so hard to hold my tears.( I had to ask because he was pale and he could show symptoms of hypoglycemia if he was hungry, he could faint too after dental treatment).
- " no I did not , the neighbors did not bring us any". he said.
Just then I could not hold my tears any more, I took his little hands and took him to buy him something to eat.
-"let us buy something to eat, I am hungry too" ..
-" no, I will go home" said Salih pointing to a far cottage..
- I will take him to my place, bring him something to eat, and be right back"…said" H".
But the boy ran away….
I sat in my room, wondering how could these children survive. How could they live alone, what do they do in the darkness every day? Where is our government, are they aware about that policeman's family….
I can't imagine my daughter Mariam (she is 8 now) go alone to a dental clinic to extract her tooth ….it's scary for a child to face that alone.
After about an hour the boy came back with "H", he ate in his house and came seeking for treatment, I was so happy to see him again, I wanted to give him a big hug, but he was behaving like a man.. He sat silently, I gave him his shot, he was shivering, but was very quiet.
I told him he will not feel any thing he will be anesthetized, he nod his head, I extracted his tooth, and then he went without any word…..

Friday, May 12, 2006

Shared post .

Hello friends few weeks ago charley ( one of my blog readers) asked me some questions about my kids upbringing, lastly I found time to answer them , & Sunshine interfered and answered them too…
Q1 Charley: I read Sunshine's blog and am amazed at what an exceptional child she is. I'd like to know how she (sunshine) got that way and how you learned to raise kids like yours. What's your relationship with them?-Sunshine: I think I have a super mom, I have very good relationship with her, and we are close friends.-Mama: I try to be their best chum, and that was easy especially with Sunshine because I was still very young when I became a mother.
Q2 Charley: Are you strict or lenient with them?-Sunshine : My mom has a poise, she isn't very strict nor very lenient, but I am sure her strictness is for our advantage , like 9 pm is our bed time sometimes I get bother about that , specially my friends do not have a specific bed time , but otherwise she do that because she want us to have enough sleep time .-Mama: There are things that I don't lenient about, but in the other hand I explain why to my kids. I also admit that I some times have bad temper, but the kids know that I love them….Q3 Charley: How did they get so serious and disciplined about their school work?-Sunshine :my mom taught me when I was in the first class primary school to depend on myself and do my homework alone in my room ,with out anyone's help , if I can't understand something my mom and dad are always there to help me . Until now I can't sleep comfortably if my homework isn't done.-Mama: my kids goal is to be educated just like any one else in our family. Their grandpas are civil engineers, their grandmas are teachers, I am a dentist, their father is a mechanical engineer .we care about their education, and we will always support them to achieve their dreams by knowledge.
Q4 Charley: How do you get them to help you around the house...or just CLEAN UP THEIR OWN MESSES, for God's sake?-Sunshine: hehehe, to be honest with you, I don't like housecleaning, but my room is always organized, array and clean. When my mom ask me to help her I do, and I ask her whether she needs help or not when she do the housecleaning , but if I see dirty dishes in the sink I don't volunteer to wash them, till someone says " Wash the dishes ! " , etc . -Mama; this is my weak point, I don't ask my kids to have role in house cleaning, but in the other hand I don't allow any mess in their rooms. although I some times feel fed-up for not getting any help or any offer to help me, I don't ask for assistant( my mom always blame me for doing that),actually Mariam my little daughter ( she is 7 years old) try to help but I want to do the house cleaning faster and in a more masterly way!!!!. Q5 Charley: One more question: Do you kids fight with each other. How do you handle that?-Sunshine: well , my sister and I fight a lot , about everything , she do not respect nor do what I tell her to, she jeer and emulate what I say . Mariam and Yosif fight too. But of course we love each other.-Mama; Sunshine and her youngest sister are in continual disagreement because of the age difference (6 years apart), but they both love their 2 years old brother. About dealing with this problem, I failed in all means, and that really upset me very much, I want to see them in harmony and to see them enjoy being with each other and to care about each other. Sunshine need to be patient with her little sister and understand the age difference, Marriam should stop feeling jealous from her elder sister …but they don't overpass their limits in their fights.Q6 Charley: Do you assign them chores? Do you reward them for doing them? How?-Sunshine : our assign chores is that to keep our rooms clean and to study well , I used to get reward when I was younger , and that's what my mom is doing with Mariam , like rewarding her for studying well and getting high marks .-Mama: the kids clean their rooms every Thursday, but they have to keep it organized every day, like their desks, beds, toys and closets…Yes I punish every one who don't respect that, like they won't be allowed to use the computer, or watch TV, or punished by leave them home with their grandparents while we go out to visit some friends. I exaggerate in rewarding my kids .I spend the largest part of my savings for that purpose. I always look for something beneficial that can endow them with enjoyable time.

Q7 :Do you give them allowances?ََََََََََََ-Sunshine: Well, there are certain things that we do not get allowances for like delaying the bed time in the scholastic days etc … But as I get older I have allowances more than before.Mama: depends …
Q8Charley: Do you ever punish them? How?ََ-Sunshine , YES she does , when my sister and I fight , she punish us BOTH , & I can tell you she is TOUGH, my punishments can be no computer for a week , for my sister , a week with no TV, my mom is lenient with Mariam , sometimes she remit the punishment , because as mama says " she is not in your age she is a kid " and that makes me soooo mad .She punishes us by not allowing us to do the things we love.Few weeks ago my mom took all of Mariams' toys, because she didn't study well, and her marks got lower, and when ever Mariam take a high mark, my mom allow her to pick one of her toys back.But now , I don’t or try not to do anything makes mom mad , no fighting with Mariam, because I can't stay one day with out COMPUTER.-Mama: yes some times I have to punish them. By depriving them from certain things and it works.
Q9 Charley: Do they argue when you ask them to do something? How do you handle that?-Sunshine: when she asks me, I do not argue.-Mama: No, they don’t argue.
Q10 Charley: What's their relationship with their father? Close? Distant?-Sunshine : my relationship with my father , is not good, Mariam has a good relationship with him , but I have very good relationship with my grandpas .-Mama: their Dad loves them very much; he is a very loving father. But Sunshine don't understand that he has different ideas about his way in parenting .But my other two kids adore their father. I know Sunshine will remember how he worries about her health and safety, and how he spends time with her to help her with her study.
Q11Charley: Do you talk a lot with them? About what?-Sunshine : my mom and I talk a lot , about everything , she is my friend , we tell each other everything .-Mama: I have frank relationship with my kids. We talk about every thing. specially about this is right ,that is wrong….we play, we laugh , we make plans ,we spend all the afternoon and evening time together doing things together trying to kill the time as we are always stuck in the house.
Q12Charley: Do you limit their playtime, TV time, computer time?-Sunshine : She does , we have only some programs to watch on TV, she also limits our computer time, but she can be lenient with me in this field , because I am always stuck in the house , and I use the computer wisely and for learning not playing , I see useful programs in TV, and excellent reports, that made me more enlightened. in the summer holiday I do not spend all the time doing a specific thing, yes I spend most of the time on the computer writing , reading blogs , but I also read books whenever we don't have electricity I make handmade work, depending of the chargeable light (Bazooka ) .-Mama: Of course I do. I hate to see the children laying down all day long watching TV, I want them to do something, to create, and pursuing their hobbies.Mariam is in fond of drawing & dancing. She is also very dilapidator (that is how we name her ) she likes to take apart the toys & try to fix them again. When she silently sits for along time in her room, I know she is trying to discover how her toy is working.Sunshine spends good time in reading, writing, listening to music, learning handmade work and this summer holiday she is planning to learn playing on the keyboard.Q13Charley: Sunshine doesn't talk about pets. How do you feel about kidshaving pets?-Sunshine : I like pets , I like puppies , and birds .But I'd never thought to mention that in my posts. I do not think my mom would allow me to bring cats nor dogs to keep our house clean. But I don't think she would mind to bring us birds, if I promise her to feed, and take care of them.-Mama: I like pets, but don't like to bring them to my home .I used to have love birds in my childhood.. They need care, I don't have time &we don't have good farriery. In addition I want to keep the house clean and well organized; with the presence of pets without anyone's help it is impossible to keep it as I wanted to be.