Emotions....

talk about my life as a young mother hoping to do the best for her children in spite of the life difficulies.As a Dentist I want to share you my occupational ticklers...

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Location: mosul, Iraq

I am a 37 years old mom ,I am a mother of 3 children. I am a Dentist. I try to make every thing perfect. The life I have, the difficulties I face make me anxious.. I like to have a social life; I cannot resist my feeling of being lonely, but I don’t have good social life, & I am lonely.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Personal confessions..

I consider my self as a coward when it's concerned about taking decisions that is life changing. I live in a place that I don't like and never dare to leave to Baghdad. Because I don't want to separate between my husband and his parents, as he is their only son.
And now I feel so much scared from the situation here in my country and never dare to leave abroad, because, I worry about finding a respectful job, and worry about my kids' schools, and their future in a strange country with different social life and traditions. And I can't live more far away from my parents.
I sometimes, NO, all the time blame myself for that. Why do I live a life I dislike? Why?
I wish I can do something and change it, but I know I can't. The most devastating thing that breaks my hart is to live away from my parents, while I very much wish to share them every moment in my life. I want them, and need to be beside them, I wish
I could help them, to pay them back for their sacrifices and for everything they did for me. I love them and wish to show them how much I care about them instead of being so much busy in this life.
Visiting my sister is another thing that I did not try to do yet, she is my only sister and I didn't see her since she had left Baghdad four years ago. I did not see her second daughter, my dear niece, only through the internet.
I very much like social life but after years and years of loneliness and trials to find people that are friendly, I feel like I am not trying any more, although now I think I can find people that left Baghdad and settled here in Mosul, but I don't even try to make friendships. My excuse is that my husband doesn’t like confounding with people and I am tired from trying to convince him to change …

Mama

12 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh mama,im so sorry,you are not a coward concerning deciions,you took that decision because you love your husband@that was a big sacrifice@ in a time the trip from baghdad to mosul was in less than 4 hours,and no one thought there would be war and you cant see your parents or visit them only after a 7 hrsjourney and your sister was with your parents so dont blame yourself. i agree with you in trying to seek a better place for your children,the situation is a mess especially in mosul.try to talk more to your husband and ask for an advice from ur parents,its not a simple decision. as for ur parents im sure they are proud of u because u raised and busy helping your children to grow up.ur parents feel comfortable when they see ur children became brilliants.
please dont feel lonely,you ve got a friend you can count on at any time. and if there is something i can do i will not hesitate.

12 December, 2008  
Anonymous Wayne said...

Oh Mama, now you made me cry. Isn't it strange for an old man to cry. I understand what you are saying and I feel so very sorry. One sad thing is that I can not do anything to help you. I wish I could help you. Please remember that I truly care about your sadness.

I remember that Rose did not want to leave your parents but Ahmed had already gone and she had to go to be with him. How old is Basma now? I think she is 3 years old. Is Farah doing alright? I hope all is well with them. They do not write to me any more. I wish they would.

Please remember that we care for you and pray to God every day that you will be alright.

12 December, 2008  
Blogger rencalago said...

life is a constant change and challenge.
sometimes we must live the way it is ...
in times we learn to appreciate our own and bring the best in us

how was baghdad?

12 December, 2008  
Blogger Ripama said...

Mama:

Everyone has a "Comfort Zone" (a place and time you are most familiar with). In your case, you have a family giving you more than one "Comfort Zone" to deal with.

I don't think you can resolve the problem without making some hard decisions. You and your family will have to weigh the pros and cons about staying versus leaving.

A good friend of mine is from China. Every so often she sits down and cries because she misses her mother who is still in China. She's been here for 10 or 11 years now and still misses home. On the bright side, she goes back to China once a year so it's not a total loss.

For some people, it's not easy to relocate. My brother travels around the country and around the world. At this moment, I don't know where he is. Last time I talked to him he was in Seattle talking about possibly moving to New York City.

A few years back my mother got a letter from The State Department saying my brother had been arrested in Buenos Aires (Argentina). By time we got the letter he was someplace else.

He has no problem with relocating.

13 December, 2008  
Blogger Sriramrulez said...

If thats the case why dont you leave the country and go to some other country so that you may live in peace

13 December, 2008  
Blogger jarvenpa said...

Do not blame yourself. It is hard to be separated from family and good friends at any time. When you are in a country struggling with war, how much harder it must be. I admire your courage and honesty and hope for better times for you and all your family.

13 December, 2008  
Blogger John said...

Dear Mama,
I don't know what to say and could never advise you. But I wish you safety and all the best and I am so sorry for the horrors your family are enduring.

14 December, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Momma,

I apologize that this is off-topic.

Today many Americans were buzzing with happiness over the brave actions of Muntader al-Zaidi and his famous shoe throwing. Amoung my friends, family and co-workers he is being hailed as a hero. Campaigns are already underway here to send our shoes to the white house in protest and solidarity.

Would you like to share your opinion on this historic moment?

15 December, 2008  
Blogger RG said...

I trully think your family, your sister, your parents should all work towards leaving Iraq as quickly as possible.

Foreign troops will be pulling out soon and the Iraqi troops are NOT doing the job they should be doing.

Even if some of your family does not leave, that should not prevent the rest of you to go. If those that stayed behind see that you are safe and happy in your new location, they will follow you.

You are not a coward, you would become a wise family leader.

16 December, 2008  
Anonymous Wayne said...

RG,

Mama's sister left Iraq over 3 years ago to join her husband who had already moved to another country. They were both bloggers that I admired for furnishing us some thoughts on what was happening in Iraq before they left.

18 December, 2008  
Blogger dancewater said...

I hope you are safe whatever you decide. If I was in your position, I think I would run away. I am a real coward - you are not. You are trying to make a life for your children in spite of everything. You are very brave.

19 December, 2008  
Blogger Oh, Momma! said...

Dear Mama,
I am a new reader of your blog. I haven't read all of your pieces yet, in their entirety, but I look forward to doing so.

My name is Kim and I live in far Northern California.

I bookmarked your blog because it truly interested me that an Iragi momma, with children, a husband and a career as a Dentist, was personally struggling to live in a war torn country.

Some how you are able to keep your heads above water, so to speak, with all of the nonsense both on the U.S. and foreign occupation.

I know there is not a whole of words of encouragement that I am able to give you, because I have not lived nor currently live in such a place of chaos and daily bewilderment. For that I am very, very sorry.

But I did want to let you know that I would love to be friends with you and try to understand and be a friends with you as a woman, a mother and a wife.

I can relate very little in the area of a victim of one's own country's situation of war, death, occupation, loneliness, fear, etc.

But I hope that I can bring something to this relationship that will be something good and long lasting.

I so wish that I could have a cup of tea with you and allow you to cry on my shoulders and know that you are a brave and amazing woman, mother, wife, daughter to all that depend on you. I am so very sorry for your loneliness.

Please let me know if you would like to be friends and help me to understand where life leads you daily.

I hope to get to know you and you know me.

I am 42 years old with a husband, Michael and have been married for 18 years. We adopted two chilren - a girl, 3 yrs and a boy, 2.5 yrs.

I do not work out side of the home. But my husband has his own graphic design business and is able to work from home. So we all get to see him through out the day. He is a huge help in every day chores, caring for the children and a great support to me.

I look forward to hearing from you...

I will understand if you are not able to or want to keep up with this relationship. I will be saddened but not hurt by your decision.

May peace and joy forever more prevail in the darkest places of your life and in the deepest part of your soul.

Sincerely,

Kim - Chico, California

13 March, 2009  

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